November 11, 2006
better like this?
Something grand about waiting tables is that it makes me into a hoarse with blinders. When I am waiting tables, I get all this time in the middle of the day when I cannot think about anything but what is directly in front of me. So when I come home the article I read about elephants holding tender feelings cuts me much deeper then if I’ve spent the day thinking. It is so nice to everyday take a little break from whatever has recently plagued me because when I return from my eight-hour vacation I can write. For months, I have not really been writing but only trying. In other jobs, I never have the same level of immediacy that I get with serving. I crave the relief of not thinking about anything but someone else and their food.
Plus, I have food lust.
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August 23, 2006
Fighting Dogs in Mexico
Hi, I'm Elle. As you can see I'm a little teapot short and stout. In addition to a handel I have a tail. These people found me at the goodwill and took me to their barren apartment. They don't have any pots so sometimes I get used to cook hard boiled eggs. No one has as yet used me just to boil water.
I have a friend named La Cafe. She is from France or something like that. Our owners found her for three dollars. She said that she is a french press but, nobody has used La Cafe to make coffee. The people that own us use her to mix margaritas.
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August 03, 2006
The Counter-clock wise drain
Ready,
Set,
NO! I'll just GO.
Thinking back today on our move to Boston. I did not have much imput on the kind of house we rented. I just went along for the ride and got up here. This next move to California I have done even less to get ready to go. I did not even find my own airline tickets. I am very happy about the move. Maybe I am not good at comprimising but excellent at only wanting a few things,maybe. Maybe I am just lazy. Maybe I will become a rodeo clown.
but listen,
I got big plans for California! I want to volunteer as at a women's center again. I want to learn Spainish. I want to take two days off mid-week and go camping with Tami every other week.
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June 10, 2006
MY FIVE HOURS LIFE GOAL
That is it...I can't take much more so at one I am leaving for Vagas to find my money, my man, and my strong drink. I've never been to Sin City and I am up for the new adventure. I don't sleep any more so the early flight is not issue. Last night I went to bed before we finished the movie TOM JONES but did not fall into dream land until around thr33 though I was crazy tired. I awoke at eight but tried to recapture sleep until about nine when I got out of bed pissed. Even with the use of a mild sedative I wake up yelling at odd hours and not getting full cycles.
I feel the only answer is a roll in the hey with my new Vagas husband.My goals for my first marriage:
1. Be too drained by crazy life choices and marital bliss to remain awake
2. Beat my Mother to the punch/alter
3. Be in a land that is warm if not Hot//the rain in Boston never ends. Never.
I guess I really only have two goals about my marriage.
so I am leaving at one...I am staying at the Ceasar and I will be reading "When Jesus Became God" or some cheap romance novel. Both theology and cheap novels are not helping the sleep cause...what, What!
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June 06, 2006
The omen
TODAY was a day of VICTORY!!! I am finished with my job at the end of the month!! Now I just have to
1. Get another job
2. Get a house in ESCONDIDO
3. Get a car
4. Get a life goal...or a monkey named BANGO.
5. Get some Beach Boys
I am very happy about the iedea of leaving and being in a warm place that I have never been before. I have made many mistakes in Boston. I have learned much in Boston. I know California is not the land flowing with milk and honey but it will be an adventure.
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May 31, 2006
Combo's NASCAR'S offical cheese filled snack
I went to the beach. I went with Keri's swimsuit. I went with Keri's swimsuit because mine is lost. When you lose your swimsuit it is a bit like saying
"Mom, I'm home. Have you seen my pants?"
SO TODAY>>>I GOT A NEW ONE!!!
I look totally awesome...but, maybe I can't wear it in public. Laura told me not to buy it and that it looked good. Tami said I looked great but thought it was to far down the slippery slope. I thought...Linnea would want me to wear this.
Maybe I can be a rock n'roll queen NOW!
>>>>In other news
one of my co-workers lost her job today. I really love the kids in my class so I am going to give the ob a few more weeks. I will also be putting in other applications.
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March 25, 2006
Naked beauty special with bangles
I was sick for a few days and then it got really icky.
Well I forgot to go outside and now I have to face going to the land of out. I think that I could face this with more ease if I had a back yard or some outside place that I could go to without people. People judge people who are pale and go out in thier pj's.
Being outside would also be easier if the weather was say...warm. I miss the sounds of bugs. If it was warm I could get my book and continue to be getting well with ease and sunshine.
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March 06, 2006
pink nails
It is strange to be home again away from the warm winds of Florida. Boston is icy but my roomies are so lovely. All our floors are littered with books. Our fridge is littered with green goodness. Our bathroom has my shower curtain.
Today the sun is out
Tami is off work
Linnea is staying home until noon
Shortly our old friends arrive
I had a dream last night that I went upstairs and called to Linnea. In the upper floor of our apartment were three furnished rooms. All our five house guests had a bed and we were all happy. We felt silly becasue we had forgotten about the upstairs rooms.
I think I dreamed this because we had an upstairs when we first arrived in Boston and we did not use the upstairs. I went to look for the secret stairway but I found only the pantry.
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February 28, 2006
Eighty Degrees of providence
I love the way everything smells and I love when fortune smiles upon me. I missed my plane out of Orlando and will someday return to Boston. Now my shirt smells like flesh touched by warm sunshine and I am rekindling a long love affaire with warmth. Oh, I know that I have to come back to Boston and be a big girl again and I will but first I will have to sit in the sun and wait a few days to work out leaving the beautiful state of Florida.
At times like this I think back to my family telling me:
“Hope you were cold in India”
“Hope that is Canada light”
“Hope your moving to artic death”
My time here has not just been spent like a lizard enjoying her warm rock. The SCI-FI convention was everything that I hoped it would be. Chuck and I had a wonderful time and saw some great stuff. After I get some pics I will post again in a format that will leave you with nothing but joy and serenity. For now I just want to say that at the convention center another group was meeting…Cheerleader convention. The mutually extrusion of group members and little comments from shared bathrooms were enough to make a TV producer wet his pants.
SO my advice when your bus is late and then the next bus is late and a train stops traffic
Don’t panic
It’s extended escape from reality time!
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February 11, 2006
Natl. Freedom Day (JPN)
1,No Children, Mtn. Goats, Tallahassee
2,Valerie, Crooked Fingers
3,Blue Orchid,The white Stripes
4,The Flower of Carnage,Kill Bill Soundtrack
5,Silly Love Songs, Paul McCartney
6,Don't let me be Misunderstood, Santa Esheralda
7,Pacific Theme, Broken Social Scene
8,Anthems for a Seventeen year-old girl
9,Chelsea Girl, Nico
10,I'll Follow you into the dark, Death Cab
11,The lonely Shepherd, Gheorghe Zamfir
12,Strars and Sons, Broken Social Scene
13,Transatlanticisim, Death Cab
If I were to fly to Kansas City today
this would be the cd I'd make
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February 09, 2006
My love, Courtney has gone home. No worries, not to be with Jesus just to North Carolina. I have to go to bed soon and I have no cuddle buddie,WHA!
Who will I sleep with now that she is gone?
Migrant Farm workers-YES!
I've still lost all my poems so...if you have FURTHER NORTHERN in it orginal form or edit filled beauty
send it down Galvister Way.
It is really the only poem that I want back. It is nice now that they are gone i am able to start without all my ideas pushing down on me. I've since yesterday started a poem on Feminism, bookmarks, love in friendships, the sounds that make you remember, infidelity, why I crave foods, humility, and the baby blue buick. I've only 'finished' two but having two poem I like under my belt is...MUCH.
I should say...i can most likely get my files back. i jut can't afford to fix ABI right now.
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January 24, 2006
Evil Princess Leia
Look right.
It is my new link in the bet of all possible places. The site is a bit juvenile in its explanations but the topics are wonderful. Siberia (wink, wink) is something I am down with right now.
Look in my pocket.
It’s all the notes that I took during the day about the diner and the random thoughts I had during while the tables are slow. One must do something other then deliver the pancakes.
I think these are the best:
He again sits and orders the same thing—still smelly. I am not a frequent shower taker but I know my own scent//must find tool (or person) to measure scent that way my skin will remain silky soft and I will not offend the masses.
What does the bus boys wife look like? Does she get some action on the side too? Does the bus boy or is it all just…bus boy talk.
Why do we have sexy lingerie? It just looks stupid (see Improper Bostonian). If you were having sex would you have to have the sexy lingerie face cause if that is the case I would spend most of the time laughing uncontrollably. It is a cross between angered and sleepy face with a dash of self-aware. Far too many tassels for such little fabric and so much money for the tassels…why not naked?
The Everglades//That drive when the animals seemed to play peek-a-boo with us from the forest. It was all devastatingly beautiful. Is that sublime beauty? Have I given Sublime to high of an evaluation?
Am I stressed? Do stressed people really know they are stressed if they think they appear low key? Is being high maintenance mean you think your low maintenance therefore I am stressed?
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January 16, 2006
MLK DAY
Yesterday was great fun. We went to the midway and ABBA’s Dancing Queen became my theme song. I won a pair of slippers with matching bag because of my killer dance moves. I might have won the slippers because my shoes kept falling off. I believe it was the dancing though and that is what the benefactor said so there.
I wrote this poem last January. It is part of my beach series and is about a dream I had aboard ship in. It is a cold day after much warmth and I felt the cold might help in interpretation.
humidity
Leap
Upon the Caribbean Seas
January
A task to tell a dream to thee,
of a subconscious well drowned.
I wish to tell of swaying sea,
for there in rolling waves illusion is found.
Rising to walking upon prickling carpet
Dark sky, Bright sea, my ship surround
Bare feet on jagged concrete, smooth palms upon the parapet,
Leaning down, pushing in, a reed no more to stand erect.
Soon the white metal rail upon my foot begins to
bite,
Therefore I climb closer in clutching smooth mahogany.
Neptune cajoles ‘come be my sprite’.
Offering cold air, humidity tide, mixed androgyny
desire for deep drenching sun!
Aeolus assists in a covetous felony,
For I yearn the western gale – Make me Undone!
The glorious gale commits defenestration,
And toward heat I fall –see joy has begun.
Is there not some abortion?
From the seas my betrayer
For my folly there was no admonition.
Neptune will not bathe me as his lover.
Icy cold death repeatedly will bombard.
My spirit seeks up, is escape discovered-never!
My frozen form hits again the ship like a billiard,
Frigid pain is my lot hence forward.
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January 11, 2006
Highland Conquerer the Romance Novel I am filled with (ewww...gross)
I was struck in church on Sunday by the Westminster Confession of Faiths questions and answers to adoption and justification. These two questions and the one that fallows about sanctification are the most informative to me of God’s character and love. These three acts of adoption into God’s family as a son (a son not in a sexist manner but to emphasize our part in the inheritance of God’s victory over death and sin), justification of all our sin, and sanctification are all works of the Holy Sprit and not of man. I am not the one responsible to free myself or to bring about glorification from sin. Everyday God is pulling me closer to life not because I am good but because he is merciful and loving. This is God’s extravagance that He would not only send his only Son to die that I might live but also that the Holy Spirit would then break and mold God’s people into Christ’s image. Now we are double fold made in the image of God or more correctly set about renewing a corrupted form Adam and Eve were created in.
Knowing all of this though one must question free will and the matter of predestination verses foreknowledge. In the first chapter of Malachi we are presented with the Lord’s true love of Israel as the nation doubts. The people ask how has God loved us? The book of Malachi presents actions in which Israel has been chosen above other peoples and set apart for God’s love. God has chosen them and others have not been chosen. Your friends, family, nice people on the street, and that stupid guy you hate unless they are predestined for heaven will burn in hell for eternity. How can a ‘good’ Christian even think about such things without having their life then filled with crazy proselytizing and despair? It would be easy to think contrary to Biblical understanding that the work Sanctification and Justification are things you do by yourself. If I’m the one that decided that I’ll pick God then people not doing so are at fault. The Holy Spirit enables these actions, not man. SO you are left to wonder why are they burning in hell? If Christ died for the sin of the World where is the lifeless’ justification? The smart answer comes with limited atonement but the soft heated don’t want to be smart.
If it were not for God my heart would be far too hard to turn and see waiting glory. What of free will then? Am I a person capable of such an act? I just don’t understand what free will is and if it exists what implications this makes to the foreknowledge of God. Can God even have foreknowledge? That whole logic train seems silly to me as foreknowledge is based on actions that did not happen. If there is some stupid plane in which blah did not happen and blah happened instead then why the hell is any plane of time legitimate? If truth is truth then there cannot be by definition some other truth or the first truth would be artificial.
I like the book of Malachi because it never questions this problem of why salvation but instead repeats the glory of salvation. Malachi says hey God loves you but you treat Him like a fool and question where the God of judgment is and why He has not provided for you. The book is then ended with some prophetic verses about Christ’s coming. When I reflect upon Malachi who is not bitter in understanding or misunderstanding but thankful. I still am angered and confused. The idea of God’s salvation is so perplexing that I am happy that I am not forced to think about it but am graced to own it’s promises.
I wrote this poem about this problem for me and Cain, Esau, the nation of Edom, and all the rest. I wrote it a bit ago so my voice has changed since then.
A collection of Sin Cain
Downcast,
Sin at the door,
waiting for your anger.
Am I my brother’s keeper, well
I AM?
II.
Brother,
red Earth cries out.
Never hearing my plight,
now she will not yield. Enabled
for naught
III.
Bleating
sheep hear beating.
My hands knew your red scalp
Blood of my blood, He gave-took blood
I AM.
IIII.
been Marked.
Can’t stand your mark.
My Able brought your true fruit
Seth too from you-Oh that I may
produce
V.
First fruit,
I gave to you.
Esau have I hated.
Jacob have I loved. Election.
Bitter.
IV.
Chosen
Its all for them
They never move nor wake
you moved them all and left me blind
So Lavish
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