May 14, 2007
listen to Warren Zevon, Accidentally like a Martyr.
Tenacious D has a wonderful song called the Best Song in the WORLD Tribute. While I was listening to this song I suddenly had a clairvoyant moment about liturgy and its similarity to interpersonal relationships. In services we tend to create the familiar and we do the same thing in relationships. I find myself making the same mistakes as my parents and hurting my friends and family in the same ways I always have. I am comfortable with the familiar. That is not to say the familiar is bad. Familiarity allows one to see problems because it lacks the emotional luster. I worship best in some strong liturgy because I can think about the truthful words and ideas without the constant search for false theology. The familiar is never the same within liturgy or relationships and certainly for both we have room for development.
The Beatles said that love is all you need and I agree certainly in matters of faith. Yet, I am so often reprimanded that you need more than love in family, couple, and friend love (no, Linnea not in that order). WTF Batman, we can only recreate the love of God in our relationships. You can’t have more than love. Faith, Hope and Love the greatest is love because it remains. So especially in relationships love in the active sense of the word is really is all you have. Certainly in death love is all you have to remember or recommend.
Worship (esp. in Mass) is a tribute to man-kinds understanding of heavenly worship. Love in every aspect of life is just a tribute to God’s creative love. So many parents remark of their better understanding of God’s love after becoming a parent but that is not the only reflection of Creative love. We were gifted with friends, lovers, cousins, and that guy who brings in your trash can from the side of the road that I believe demonstrate God’s love. The tribute to God in mass and in relationships is just like Tenacious D’s song Best song in the world tribute because the song, worship, or relationships sound nothingl ike original.
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October 08, 2006
we paint
The carrots cut into little chunks say to the Arugala
"Hey where did you come from?"
All the little veggies in my salad freshly cut and freshly bought from the store tell eachother the tale of transportation. The grapes being a fruit and not included in the salad feel left out and start talking to the peppers about the 'others'. When the peppers do make it into the salad they are fearful of the other veggies and want to stick to together away from the store veggies.
Today was wonderful. Work was slow as could be but it gave me time to reflect on how beautiful my life has become, was, and if God wants will continue to be beautiful. I made it to the Catholic church again and cried a bit when the priest bessed some members of the parish. It was the way he held their heads; it made me think of Christ calling Mary's name in the tomb. In all of the Bible that one word in context gives me the most belief.
anyhow I overheard the peppers saying that they were freshly picked. I talked to the salad about the problems and prejudice they were living in and how to treat the ones around you. They just would not listen so I added some cheese. I thought 'hey, the cheese stands alone'. It worked they justed needed somebody to be on the outside and it could not be the grapes.
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September 28, 2006
Breakfast at six
Today I found a shoulderless road here in Missouri. It had green frieds, bird filled trees, a rockly lake/pond, and houses that nobody had lived in for years. I love thinking about how little time it takes for nature to take things back. Grass seeding itself in the driveway. Trees forcing roots to break the sidewalk. It is comforting to see how small everything is and how quickly our creations die. Every time I write a bad poem or essay its nice to think about termites in the floor. Sure, I'll be judged on my creative effort in death but its nice to remember how little I am.
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July 05, 2006
"Love" is just the name we give to the desire for and pursuit of wholeness//Aristophanes' speech//Plato's Symposium
Over the last few weeks many of us have been confronted with our stuff. When I came back to South Carolina I wanted give away everything I did and would not use any more. I do have a limitation on items that I want to share in the future with the children not yet in our family. In Boston I got rid of two bags worth of stuff.
Why do we keep it? Often I have heard that each trinket helps you remember that time in the third grade when Billy hit you in the head, ect. I've been reading and thinking about stuff and I think this is a better fleshing out.
First, sometimes the memory of a time can be so rich that we need deflection something else to hold. I think this works for big things like death, weddings, births, and real love. I have a Christmas card framed my Aunt Dawn sent my brother from around the time of my birth. I have no memory of this card but it reminds me of a more hopeful time for her and that her loss was not in my head without others.
Second, items that we keep become the memory themselves and do not help us remember anything but what we have made the item represent. I think this is normally the stuff that we want to get rid of but a growl in our tummy says 'stop'. I think these are the items that we really should get rid of because they drag you down. For me the item that I struggle to not keep is shirts. I could have a whole dresser devoted to shirts that I never wear but that I want to keep. I had band, ROTC, student council, drama, and endless volunteer shirts any event I was involved in had a T-shirt that I would not wear in public. In addition to all of these shirts are all the T-shirts that I would wear out of the house or that I got while on vacation. I remember nothing when I look at t-shirts about the event only that I really should keep them.
Third are all items that have institutional meaning or collective. I have a small box that has all the awards from kindergarten to my college graduation. The awards don't mean anything about the intended event now and I can't remember the day I got this or that. Now going through that box is about going through that box to find meaning that I have forgotten and meaning that I have created. My diplomas mean nothing but having them at the top of the box gives my picture of the two pigs poke more meaning. My childhood art has meaning now because it is in that box.
Finally I think we keep things because when we don't they go on without us getting meaning from somebody else. The toys that we love will be played with in not the right way. It is like getting a little taste of death. Even those things that we had control over now mean something to somebody else and we have no control. All the jewelry that I have from my Grandmothers and Aunt are special because were once on their bodies. I don't know my grandmothers special meaning behind each trinket.
We don’t want to die and forgetting is akin to death. When I keep things I keep parts of me that I have created alive. The box that has all my school junk is to the eyes of a stranger useless but to me it is childhood. Created meaning keeps us alive to ourselves and others because when I do die somebody has to go through it all. Maybe in an age when our bodies are chemically enhanced at death we need our stuff to remind the living that we are like them. I manage my stuff because I manage my ego. When I die I want to leave a good impression for the people that will give my stuff meaning. Do you love me enugh to go through my stuff?
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May 24, 2006
This is not my beautiful life.
I had a deep down dirt day today. The complications compounded until the end of my day exploded in a rapid fire of lost and late.
So my direct question is
can a women become so consumed in 'stick with it' to see the signs telling her to swim on down the river?
I don't like my job. This makes me very sad because I want to like my job. It makes me said because I want to love my job. This job does not make me happy it makes me angered and stressed.
Maybe a big step in being a big girl is learning to leave.
I love the kids in my class though it will be hard to leave them.
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April 06, 2006
Sci-fi is Not for kiddies
So did I tell you that I went to the Sci-fi convention in Florida?
Check out the chick in the back groud she left her Storm trooper pants in the other car. Chuck and I did not get a picture of my fav costume. I wish you could have seen the Cheerleader for the Dark Side. Her costume was made all the sweeter by the cheerleading convention going on down the bend.
Another Big hit for me was the Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Yes the Mooninities came 
and when I said they had dressed well
to my delight I was given the bird. I wish you could have seen Chuck's face.
And yes..Cricket I am doing this as hard as I can.
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