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July 22, 2006

Funke dancing

I slept UNTIL almost EIGHT AM! Sleeping is hot. Sleeping is the new pink.

We had a good time last night at the Middle East; listening to our friend's band. The night made me a bit sad though as I dropped the ball on so many friendships in Boston. I never call anybody from our church. I stopped calling my buddy Valerie from the diner. Never called or emailed Jamie the dude or Jamie the baker. I also never stop to talk to Eddie or George at the gas station anymore. I want to be part of community but...not enough to give anymore then a bit of fluff off myself.

I was locked out of the church! Have I been excommunicated? I wanted to go to mass at eight but the doors were locked. Cars in the parking lot // nobody in the sanctuary.

Plans for the day:
nice long walk in the rain
buy a jean skirt (for cheap somewhere)
go to work and make made cash
go dancing with Funke because it sounds cool

Posted by razorback at 09:52 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 12, 2006

#20 Looks like a Goon! yet still a great driver,umm.

Yesterday Laura and I drove around Boston looking for the bike shop. As the rain fell we listened to the new Thom York CD and did not talk much. When Hail to the Theif came out I drove to fields in Missouri and Kansas. When I listen to the Bends I want to be driving on the interstate. OK Computer was the first CD I really tied to get my Dad to like and he declined.
As the CD ended everything we saw fit perfectly with the music and that is the way it is with Radiohead it is music you can be simple with because it is complex, like the picture on lincoln logs. I personally could never build any thing but a log cabin but the kid on the picture built a silo, fence, and fort. Maybe more like K'NEX with the variation and all.
Today at the pool, washing the dishes, walking around in Belmont, doing yoga it was in my head. Track two/not like a song stuck in your head but like one on repeat. As we listened yesterday I must say I was not overly happy. I felt like things could have been placed and developed better but...I want perfection to the point of weaping.
Laura pointed out that I would grow to love it and I have already changed my mind about the seventh track. So go buy it

Posted by razorback at 01:56 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

July 05, 2006

"Love" is just the name we give to the desire for and pursuit of wholeness//Aristophanes' speech//Plato's Symposium

Over the last few weeks many of us have been confronted with our stuff. When I came back to South Carolina I wanted give away everything I did and would not use any more. I do have a limitation on items that I want to share in the future with the children not yet in our family. In Boston I got rid of two bags worth of stuff.
Why do we keep it? Often I have heard that each trinket helps you remember that time in the third grade when Billy hit you in the head, ect. I've been reading and thinking about stuff and I think this is a better fleshing out.
First, sometimes the memory of a time can be so rich that we need deflection something else to hold. I think this works for big things like death, weddings, births, and real love. I have a Christmas card framed my Aunt Dawn sent my brother from around the time of my birth. I have no memory of this card but it reminds me of a more hopeful time for her and that her loss was not in my head without others.
Second, items that we keep become the memory themselves and do not help us remember anything but what we have made the item represent. I think this is normally the stuff that we want to get rid of but a growl in our tummy says 'stop'. I think these are the items that we really should get rid of because they drag you down. For me the item that I struggle to not keep is shirts. I could have a whole dresser devoted to shirts that I never wear but that I want to keep. I had band, ROTC, student council, drama, and endless volunteer shirts any event I was involved in had a T-shirt that I would not wear in public. In addition to all of these shirts are all the T-shirts that I would wear out of the house or that I got while on vacation. I remember nothing when I look at t-shirts about the event only that I really should keep them.
Third are all items that have institutional meaning or collective. I have a small box that has all the awards from kindergarten to my college graduation. The awards don't mean anything about the intended event now and I can't remember the day I got this or that. Now going through that box is about going through that box to find meaning that I have forgotten and meaning that I have created. My diplomas mean nothing but having them at the top of the box gives my picture of the two pigs poke more meaning. My childhood art has meaning now because it is in that box.
Finally I think we keep things because when we don't they go on without us getting meaning from somebody else. The toys that we love will be played with in not the right way. It is like getting a little taste of death. Even those things that we had control over now mean something to somebody else and we have no control. All the jewelry that I have from my Grandmothers and Aunt are special because were once on their bodies. I don't know my grandmothers special meaning behind each trinket.
We don’t want to die and forgetting is akin to death. When I keep things I keep parts of me that I have created alive. The box that has all my school junk is to the eyes of a stranger useless but to me it is childhood. Created meaning keeps us alive to ourselves and others because when I do die somebody has to go through it all. Maybe in an age when our bodies are chemically enhanced at death we need our stuff to remind the living that we are like them. I manage my stuff because I manage my ego. When I die I want to leave a good impression for the people that will give my stuff meaning. Do you love me enugh to go through my stuff?

Posted by razorback at 11:05 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack