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June 30, 2006
I 've six but bites on my left arm (and I still love the south)
I've Lost my cell phone.
United Airlines is the worst airline carrier. Before they lost my bags multiple employees were incredibly rude to me and the other customers. Maybe the workers are under paid and over worked but that was just plain nasty service. I call united today to talk about their really poor service and I was told that I really needed to give them another chance.
I told them they could take their flight discount and really shove it. Really.
The south is my home, so hot. All the men look relaxed in their golf shirts and golden tans.
Julia and I went out last night. We are great together. We came home to drink Margaritas in the backyard while we had the talk we can't seem to do right on the phone. It was so comfortable to be with someone that has known me for so long and still does not judge me.Their is not a single aspect of my life that I would tell her about and fear judgement. She and I may not like the things the other does but we hold a genuine affection that is constant. I want to have the same non judgemental love that she gives. We all know our faults better then anyone else we don't need them thrown in our face by our loved ones. We need our loved ones to laugh or cry and then tell us about the stupid things they have done. We need reciprocation, understanding, and not judgement. I fear that I am often judgemental.
Jackson woke me up today before going to preschool to show me the monster under my bed. It was really a brown bear not a monster. I was informed that I need not be afraid because he had his flash light.He and I looked under the bed and all i saw was black high heels and a brown book in titled Business Essentials.It might just have been because I was sleepy but I did not see the bear.
Linnea tells me I was singing at the diner on TV. This is my chance to make it big!
Must dash the great outdoors and I have a date. SO Hot.
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June 27, 2006
This hot chick checked me out on the subway. do I look to butch? NAAA.
Agh, I love the world! I feel like I can be nice to people again and not spend all of my time just trying to be kind. I have been such a mean spirited person as of late but.....last night I slept for eight hours.
What was that? Oh, yeah. Yes, I have been very closed minded and not living the Gospel in my everyday life. The clearest exampel of this has been my attitude toward my mother's wedding plans. Her soon to be husband has a past but for years I have been worried about my Mom being alone. I have been thinking all about the negative aspects of this wedding and none of the good. My mom is getting married to a man that she loves. That is reason to celebrate. Have I told anybody about him bringing her coffee in the mourning and doing devotionals with her? I don't think I have. I may only know these two good things about him but they are great big good things.How can I expect grace but not give it? He apparently loves God and her which is more then I can say for anybody I have ever dated or seriously thought about getten it on with.
I've spent alot of time justifing my concerns and anger. I should spend some time being thankful.
Posted by razorback at 04:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 26, 2006
now it is 3:28 and I am not alseep.
so it is 3:15 AM again and I am not asleep. now it is 3:16 AM
yesterday I watched the sunrise but i really just want to sleep.
Today was a fall day. Ya know how in the south winter means rain. Today just felt like late fall. It a good tempature but the sky and plant life just look tired. I think that is why even this warm rain makes me so tired. I feel like snow, cold, ice could happen at any given moment. I feel like I am going to miss the summer in favor of another winter. I miss the big trees and the sound of real heat. I miss bugs. I don't see any bugs here and the ones we have are so small. I cleaned out on the back landing and not one bug was chillen.
I got the best jacket today. It looks like something a ghetto indi race car driver would have. Boston does have a great shopping district. Boston is also so much fun to walk in.
I like Boston.
I do.
I do.
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June 25, 2006
Clap your hands and say the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs
I wanted to make some things clear in the international world of Hope watching
did not go to Vegas, did not go to Vagas, No longer work for the Salvation Army, do work for the diner, have had fun inbetween jobs and will continue to have fun until the 10th of July, will be efforts to get temp jobs now and just before the move to Calli, Mom is getting married on the first, Jessi the queen of wit is getting married on the eighth, likes the song 'the first day of my life' but don't like the line about drving all night because it reminds me of that stupid death movie 'Garden State but my daddy died not my mommy and I might kill myself', am still listening to The Czars song kindertagen on repeat, am not moving to Cali to get away from or run to any man (no matter what you may think or what you may have heard), do have some problems with my faith at the moment but I can't define them yet, like flowers a lot because they smell good and are pretty, do like the line " i rather be working for a pay check then trying to win the lottery" in the bright eyes song and I wish I could just play from 2;16 to 2:24 on repeat, I hate everything I am putting to pen because it deals with 'I' and (I is 24, silly, isolated, reading too little, thinking too much, drinking too much, making life too easy) yet still 'I' cannot find another perspective, looking forward to seeing South Carolina and swiming in the river, all the blisters on my feet have healed to the point that I can wear most shoes again, did go to the beach by myself on Friday and fallowed that up with Dave Bruwbeck with Tami, Saw a play about Chopin last week alone in which I loved the paino playing but not the acting, came to understand that I don't want to have sex as much as I just want to feel something else while being out of my head completely, wrote that last line and remembered that I also want to have sex because it will be much fun and I want to build a new skill, danced last friday until the friction burn on my toes hit the I can't feel where my pinky toes lack skin level (that is a bad plan because after you see your feet it really starts to hurt), wore a shirt that was way too low cut without a bra and felt the error of my ways while stange men forgot I had a head,wrote far too much on the blog that nobody will read because it is too long,too, too, too, wish I had all my covenant friends in Boston but come to know that I just want them all here because I miss them (I do) but because it is easy to forget in a crowd, lead a happy life in which people care for me and want to spend time with me, forgot about any problems while just listening to 2:16- 2:24 on repeat, taken to sleeping with Tami who like you and most people reading this loves me-thank you.
Posted by razorback at 04:27 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
June 21, 2006
In love by tea time a working title
I placed his cold body a top my right hip as my knees pointed to the wall. He sang as I opened him with my delicate touch upon ebony keys. Immediately he murmured the sixty-cycle hum while slowly my right hip warmed under his presence. His delicious speed conjuring up any memory that I called for as we lay together in the morning sun. He was more then equal to the task but what would I think of myself in the morning?
I can’t.
I can’t write a romance novel.
Half the joy of reading one is the clandestine manner in which I go about it and then run out of my bedroom telling the house of the plot line. A quarter of the fun is justifying my habit to myself while trying to convince others it is not just my melted marshmallow center oozing out of my lips, nose, and ears. An eighth of my pleasure knows it is bad for me and in no way beneficial to society and that eighth also reaches for that paperback escape like a three hundred and forty page idol. I already feel dirty for making my poor little computer into a sexual object to write that first paragraph. While I can wilt my conscious into reading one the actual creation of a romance novel is a step too far. I won’t be the addict dealer. I won’t have that here after I am dead.
If I ever do become a sociologist though I should write a few papers about them. I could do it now. Oh, the bliss of research. I know the form of romance novels so well that I bet I can turn to the five key points within any romance novel (given a five page range) with only seeing the art work, the back page teaser, and the thickness/font. Wait did I just give away the sickening amount of romance novels I have read?
Last night I told two men of my plan to write a romance novel in the next few weeks. Of course they both wanted to hear some plot lines and I could really only give my two least thought out and therefore least embarrassing plots. I can’t even tell people about my ideas without my face heating.
I can’t write a romance novel; sorry my bank account.
Posted by razorback at 09:12 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 17, 2006
some enchanted evening
quakers in Harvard SQ! (yes, BOB).
bought shoes with a tassel and curly toe.
Jack Black is my nacho hero (OH, Bryan).
Big tent revival on Boston Common with a tent from Chattanooga.
Drunken' shopping with hipsters and a DJ on Newberry St (Linnea where are you?).
80's dance party in which I danced upon the tabel/stage for about an hour and a half of blissful ungulation.
Posted by razorback at 07:52 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 15, 2006
My shoes are on top of the world
Tonight I was going to go to the play
Five: the Sum of Us but I was looking for shoes for Jessi's wedding and missed the opening act. I did not find my shoes. Jessi wants me to get sexy silver shoes and the only ones that I found which were sexy yet wedding-ish were $$$450$$$.00. I let them stay at home and will look else where. I did find really nice soap so I will smell expensive even if my shoes turn out to be from Pay*Less.
Posted by razorback at 10:18 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 14, 2006
more carrots
Recently i have been reading three books about the flesh and the soul. And yes, I do have something to say about that
In "When Jesus Became God" I am struggling to know what is orthodox and what is well known. I have no issue with God coming in the form of man but maybe I should think more about divinity and humanity. I am no Greek but...perhaps I am a belittling the the word HOLY means. So I am again thinking about how I have belittled God and set up my own idol of humanity. When I think about the ways of the Old Testament and New Teastament I don't see justice in God's acts. I think I want God to be someone that he is not and don't know his attributes.
THe other book I am reading is one of Christian Sprituality called "Tortured Spirit" which has made me love my flesh. I often state and complain of pain but it really is a blessing that i am aware of my flesh. Many people live life not thinking about their body and if they do only in terms of a fix it up project. Recently I am content with what shape I am and the pain of my body. Yesterday I was falling in love with my turkey arms because they are fun to touch(Yip and Yop for that!).
i have also included "Dairy of a Wombat" in my life. It is a children's book about sleeping, finding new friends, and eatting. I am in fact becoming a wombat without new friends. Tonight I was going to go out but...against all advice will take a sleep aid in about two seconds. I don't want to be a stick in the mud. I want to go and dance. I have to make breakfast for all the little children on the marrow and I want my bed. I want to sleep and not think and be happy.
This weekend I will go out all the time! I will forget the past and live a life of wonder. I will be a high school party girl again but with more taste and discertion.
YES! yes! yes.
Posted by razorback at 09:16 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 10, 2006
MY FIVE HOURS LIFE GOAL
That is it...I can't take much more so at one I am leaving for Vagas to find my money, my man, and my strong drink. I've never been to Sin City and I am up for the new adventure. I don't sleep any more so the early flight is not issue. Last night I went to bed before we finished the movie TOM JONES but did not fall into dream land until around thr33 though I was crazy tired. I awoke at eight but tried to recapture sleep until about nine when I got out of bed pissed. Even with the use of a mild sedative I wake up yelling at odd hours and not getting full cycles.
I feel the only answer is a roll in the hey with my new Vagas husband.My goals for my first marriage:
1. Be too drained by crazy life choices and marital bliss to remain awake
2. Beat my Mother to the punch/alter
3. Be in a land that is warm if not Hot//the rain in Boston never ends. Never.
I guess I really only have two goals about my marriage.
so I am leaving at one...I am staying at the Ceasar and I will be reading "When Jesus Became God" or some cheap romance novel. Both theology and cheap novels are not helping the sleep cause...what, What!
Posted by razorback at 06:17 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 06, 2006
The omen
TODAY was a day of VICTORY!!! I am finished with my job at the end of the month!! Now I just have to
1. Get another job
2. Get a house in ESCONDIDO
3. Get a car
4. Get a life goal...or a monkey named BANGO.
5. Get some Beach Boys
I am very happy about the iedea of leaving and being in a warm place that I have never been before. I have made many mistakes in Boston. I have learned much in Boston. I know California is not the land flowing with milk and honey but it will be an adventure.
Posted by razorback at 07:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 04, 2006
1970's Chevy Impala
On wednessday I am going to give my notice. I awoke at three and was unable to get back to sleep until five. The job may not be perfect but I think I would stick it out, if the weather here would stand up for me. The winter was mild and yet the idea of winter sprinkled anew with each grey moment this weekend. Tami has wooed my with tales of a summer land and I will go WEST (God willing). I can't deal with stress and weather.
My computer crashed again. When I woke-up at eight she told me
"hope, my screen is black and so is my heart." I am in hopes that Abi will arise again from the ashes. If not...my next big spend is a car not a computer
Posted by razorback at 02:16 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 03, 2006
universal you
After a bought of extremely light reading I lazed into the living room and preformed two hours of yoga. From that time to this I have had four poops and I feel like my intestines are prepping for number five. I am not talking dinky poo but manly poo…animal poo.
Things must have been quite sickly down in the gut. This makes me consider my daily habits; have I been holding in all my tension?
Anyway….I wrote this for you. It is about Genesis 32:22-32 and loving people.
Walking the straight and narrow.
In contractions we edit
Until we have a simpler,
It’ll work.
I’ve come to edit you.
So that when He touched
your hip socket//my love
limped and longed
No more strident movement.
In my contradictions I’ll edit.
you’ll no longer walk in
& I’ve fallen behind.
I just want to rub my hip
But this pride won’t let me.
It’ll keep.
Posted by razorback at 01:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
interior morning
Yesterday, I started my day with the sultry sounds of the Watertown public works department taking away our trash. I pondered as I walked out of the house what would have happened if I had come down the stairs with a trash bag. I think that the garbage dudes and I would have had a conversation about the average number of trash bags the standard American household leaves on the curb. I do believe that they would then tease me and refuse to take our last garbage bag on the grounds of over consumption. I considered on the way to Cambridge how I could have thrown my trash into the dump truck; laughing as I ran toward the bus stop knowing that I had defeated the city. After emerging from the subway I was greeted by a mechanical sidewalk sweeper proclaiming ‘please use Cau-SHUN Sweeping in PRO-gress’ in a clear robotic British accent.
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